Did you know that if you are 6 foot or taller you are less than 13% of the population? Hmm, I never knew how rare it was to be tall. Did you know that the percentage of high school football players that go on to play football in college is about 5.7%? That number drops down to .08% to play professional football. I did quite a lot of reading online and determined that only about 3-5% of “lifters” become IFBB pros. Take into account that I have given birth to two children and pretty sure that percentage drops even further. My guess would be 1%, at best. So, as you can see for a 33 year old mother of two to be pursuing a dream of an IFBB Pro card is a little on the crazy side. The percentages aren’t exactly in my favor.
It’s 5 am and my alarm goes off. I roll over and turn it off but I was already awake. I crawl out of bed. My husband is still asleep in bed so I try to make as little noise as possible so that I don’t wake him. I get dressed in my bathroom for my morning cardio session and head to the gym.
Most people don’t wake up before dawn to put their body through pain like I do. But I’m not “most people”. No one REALLY wants to wake up that early instead of staying in bed but…this is competition prep and I’ve never felt so energized and alive in my entire life.
When I competed in my very first bodybuilding competition I knew very little about bodybuilding as a competitive sport. All I KNEW is that I had what it takes. Don’t ask me how I knew, I just knew. Sounds a little crazy, right? My sister describes how, when she was young and heard herself sing, she KNEW she had a gift. Kinda the way anyone just KNOWS they posses something really special. Here’s a picture from my very first competition November 2012.
After my first competition the question I got asked most from people was whether or not I would compete again. I told them I wasn’t sure, but deep down I KNEW the answer. I was hooked. You’re damn right I’d be competing again. This past fall I completely bombed at two competitions in a row. This was heartbreaking for me. I sulked and pouted. I avoided people. I sat in my bathtub wondering if I should compete again. Wondering if the “haters” were right. I sat around wondering if I should completely re think my lifelong goals and priorities. Wondering if I could handle the mental challenges that would come with trying to earn a pro card. This photo shows how I felt emotionally in November of last year.
Basically in a conversation with my sister, she sort of dragged it out of me. She asked me how it would feel if I COULDN’T compete and I told her that it would feel like my legs were cut out from underneath me. I don’t know why it took me so long to admit how drawn to competing I am but I am like a moth to a flame. I keep coming back for more. I can’t be afraid to fail at competitions. Too many competitors let their placings define them. They’re over the moon when they place well, but then lose that drive and do or die attitude after one bad placing. I want to win, yes, but my self worth is not determined by a placing.
I’ve decided to compete again and go full throttle to try to earn my Pro card this summer. I have to place in the top 5 in a Nationally qualifying show. From there I earn the right to compete at a National show where the top 2 placings get awarded Pro cards. There are only a handful of National shows this year so I have to get my National qualification pretty early. I’m hoping to do just that in El Paso May 30th. If not then, then I will try again in NYC on June 6th.
I estimate that I have approximately 10lbs to lose. Don’t make that face, I never said this would be easy. Why do you think I titled this “lets get crazy!”??? THis is GOING to get crazy! I’ll share it all. The good days, the bad days. The days where my body is aching so badly I can barely walk. The days where I feel anxiety because I’m afraid I’ve gone into metabolic burnout and can’t lose anymore fat. I wont hold anything back. I want to share this journey I am taking with everyone. I want to share it in hopes that by releasing all these emotions out here in my blog will help me to be more comfortable on stage when I get those 15 seconds. Follow me for my diet and workouts if you like. Follow me to see how it is for a professional (so to speak) to lose weight, or just follow it for entertainment.
Like any great love, competing drives you crazy. I never wanted easy, I want crazy. It doesn’t make sense to others, but I REALLY.DON’T.CARE. This is my dream. This is my ONE thing that I do just for ME. I am not TRYING to look like or BE like ANYONE else. Only myself. Do I have a picture of some other fitness chick hanging up on my mirror in my bathroom??? HELLLLLL NNOOO! I only see my own reflection.
I tried staying in the lines but decided that just wasn’t me anymore. I was afraid to share any information about my competitions out of fear. Fear of judgment, fear of failure then looking like a fool. Just plain old fear. Fear that I might offend someone with a picture of my body exposing my skin. But I just don’t care anymore. It’s true beauty and confidence when a person knows exactly what they are and who they are and aren’t afraid to embrace it. When I walk out on that stage I want the sexiness to ooze out into the crowd like a fog. A fog so thick you choke on it. I want to look so amazing it makes people uncomfortable and they shift a little in their seat. Get ready to pick the pieces up off the floor because I want to blow your mind. Yeah, I just said that.
Here’s a picture of one of my very first “selfies”. I told you I was the worst at taking selfies!
As a bodybuilder I believe the human body to be an amazing and beautiful creation. I am absolutely fascinated with it’s capabilities. I believe EVERY person should be proud of the way God made them, exactly as they are! I don’t find nudity offensive and really don’t understand when other people do.
So this is my mantra I guess, my battle cry. (cue the Rocky music) Kinda like Katy Perry’s “Roar” or Iggy Azalea’s “Walk the Line” (my fave BTW) or even Eminem’s “Survival”. It may seem mellow dramatic but I have to get tunnel vision. My husband was actually the one who told me that I need to get fierce. He says that I don’t need to explain myself to anyone. But I want to share this part of me and this journey with everyone. Think of me as a freight train full speed ahead. No, it’s not nearly as sexy as maybe a tiger roaring in the jungle….but it’s the best I could do. So, you can ride this crazy train with me or I’ll go it alone. Either way, it wont be stopped or slowed down. I want so desperately to earn the respect of those 5 judges sitting at that table. I don’t haul this booty half way across the country and strut my stuff on stage to LOSE! I compete to win and that’s exactly what I intend to do.
So, sorry I’m not sorry. I make no apologies for the way I am and I’ve got no time to waste. My hope is that anyone reading this is inspired in their own journey and if along the way I can take out some time to help someone else I would LOVE that. Message me.
I will Think.Do.Be. Amazing!!!! Crazy, healthy and happy!